Qin Mo

By the time she realized how long her hair had grown, she had already been in the shopping mall for three months. Aside from the whispers in her mind growing ever clearer, she was on the verge of forgetting herself—until she saw the diary lying quietly on the shelf. She etched time into words, stroke by careful stroke.

"January 17th, clear skies. I've tried every possible way, but still, no one seems to notice my existence. The nights are growing ever longer."

...

"January 28th, light snow. The mall closed last night; they've all gone home for New Year's Eve. I can only come out and wander a bit. It's very cold today." Tears dropped onto the diary, the ink slowly blurring. Those nestled by the stove, reminiscing about the past year, would never notice the figure gazing at the sky outside their window. Beyond the glass there were fireworks, firecrackers, snowmen, children running, lovers embracing—but none of it had anything to do with her.

...

"June 14th, rain. Today, a couple drenched to the bone took shelter from the rain outside the mall. I don't understand why the boy took off his jacket to drape it over the girl—how could that possibly shield her from the cold rain? And why, standing in the downpour, did her eyes shine with laughter?" She set down her pen, suddenly aware of how long it had been since she last felt the warmth of someone caring for her. She was losing the capacity for emotion—a basic human component. She was close to forgetting herself entirely.

The moment when everyone else had forgotten her had already come, and the time when she would forget everything was drawing near. Loneliness and fear made her seize any chance for a response. She shattered every mirror in the mall, picking up the smooth shards one by one, hoping that even just one person might stand before her—even if only to say, "Excuse me."

People marveled at the mirrors, suddenly cracked, yet not a single one saw her standing beside them. That invisible barrier cut her off from every plea for help. No one would come to save her. She would live in a world of oblivion until the day she finally forgot herself.

When the culprit behind it all appeared in her dreams again, she even felt a trace of joy—at least something was still willing to notice her. In her dream, she prostrated herself, convinced that this was her god.

A god needs no followers, but followers need a god. She chanted along with that unspeakable voice, blood and shadow slowly seeping into every corner of the dream, until someone poked her awake.

Lost in thought, Ji Ning suddenly caught a glimmer of light. From afar, he couldn't quite tell what had caused the flash, but as his attention sharpened, he leapt to his feet.

It was the moonlight reflected in eyes as clear as glass. In the spot where his gaze had wandered in a daze, he was certain there was someone there, but instinctively, he felt he shouldn't describe the scene in such terms. In the sensory world that lay beyond sight, a lonely, silent soul hovered above an ethereal shell.

"It's so late—aren't you cold, sleeping here?" Ji Ning stared curiously at the girl before him, who was curled up alone in the corner, as silent as her black pleated skirt. The mall was deserted in the dead of night; only a girl, seemingly a runaway, lay in the bedding department. Ji Ning suspected the ring on her finger was the target of his current mission, so he grabbed a clothing rod and poked at her, ready to bolt at any moment.

"You… can see me?" Her voice was hoarse from long disuse; she edged closer with caution, as if afraid any sudden movement would scare him off. Ji Ning was about to run, but then he saw her eyes—eyes filled with emotions too complex for words—and he froze, unable to break free.

Ji Ning was pulled into a tight embrace by the girl, like a child clutching a long-lost doll. He could barely breathe, but as he tried to push her away, her suppressed sobs finally broke free—so wrenching and raw that Ji Ning couldn't bring himself to resist. After a moment's hesitation, he gently hugged her back and spoke softly, "Even if you got dumped, there's no need to cry like this. You're so beautiful; you'll meet someone better, trust me."

Qin Mo paid him no heed, only continued to cry, as if emptying a lifetime's worth of tears into his arms.

Ji Ning was reminded of comforting his little brother in the past. He never quite understood how deeply the boy hurt, but he always tried to empathize and soothe. Slowly, he patted her back. He didn't know how long passed before her sobs faded. He decided to try another approach, "Did you have a fight with your family? Even so, you shouldn't run away from home. It's dangerous for a girl to be out alone—let me take you home." Ji Ning gently tried to push her away, worried that anything abrupt might startle her, but no matter how he tried, she didn't budge. Looking down, he met her swollen, tear-stained eyes.

"Take me away."

"I'll take you home." Their words overlapped. For a runaway, perhaps the two meant the same thing—but things are never that simple.

As she rose, Ji Ning finally noticed how striking her figure was—rivaling that of a top model. Her long legs brought her eye to eye with almost anyone; even at his own six feet, he was just barely taller than her. She was like a swan lost among ashes, her tearful gaze seeking rescue, while he was but a passing traveler, lucky enough to catch a fleeting glimpse.

"I no longer have a home." Qin Mo looked Ji Ning in the eye. Despite her puffy, reddened eyes, the resolve in her gaze gave him an inexplicable sense of unease.

"That's nonsense. You couldn't have just sprung from a rock. Here, if you really don't want to go back, I'll lend you my phone—call a relative or friend to come get you."

"I no longer have a home."

Ji Ning wanted to say more, but Qin Mo cut him off, "Take me away, or kill me."

Her tone was remarkably calm. Ji Ning didn't take these words as a fit of pique, for she had already pushed him away herself and now stood by the glass railing. "Take me away."

"Let's talk this through, all right? I'm only nineteen—even if I wanted to adopt you, I couldn't." Ji Ning spread his hands and walked slowly toward her, his steps telegraphing 'I mean no harm.'

But Qin Mo shot him just one look, then, without hesitation, vaulted over the railing.

"Shit!" Ji Ning grabbed her clothes with all his strength, hauling her back up and pinning her down.

"Are you insane? This is the sixth floor!"

"Take me away." The determination in Qin Mo's eyes sent a chill through Ji Ning. He was sure that, had he not caught her, she would not have struggled in the slightest as she fell.

"I'll take you away, I'll take you away—anything you want, just don't jump, all right?" Ji Ning rolled over, sighing. He began to suspect the lonely girl before him might have some kind of psychological illness.

"My name is Qin Mo," she suddenly announced, despite the mood being all wrong for introductions.

"Ji Ning," he replied, casting her a grumpy look before standing and pulling the girl to her feet. Perhaps, he thought, he should do a good deed before the semester ended—like taking a depressed girl home.

He took out his phone and turned on the flashlight. By its glow, he studied the girl before him in earnest. The tags were still on her clothes, yet it did nothing to diminish her unique elegance. Her long hair cascaded over her shoulders, merging with the night; her eyes, like distant stars, drew one in not by their sparkle, but by their remoteness. Lips that should have been soft were slightly stiff from lack of feeling, her pale cheeks tinged with a flush like a rose bloomed by faint light in perpetual night, inviting a kiss.

This was the trace the divine left upon the world. Her beauty was proof enough that gods existed—how else could such a girl have come into being?

He'd never been so grateful for his own courage. Just looking at her breathtaking face calmed his restless heart. Staring at the girl before him, he was suddenly aware—his heart was still beating.

He felt a pang of regret. Damn it, a girl this beautiful should only be encountered at the height of his success, when he held the world in his hand—not at the lowest ebb of a new chapter in his life, when he was just a nobody who set his goal for the final exam at barely passing. He had no right to say, "Hey, look at me—I'm all strengths and overflowing charm, special offer, free boyfriend for you, what do you say?"

If he actually said all that, she'd leave after the second sentence. If he managed to rattle it off before she turned away, she'd likely reward his face with a slap—a girl with a figure like hers would surely have a mighty backhand.

"No need to adopt me; I just want to stay by your side," Qin Mo said earnestly, her dazzling beauty making Ji Ning briefly lose his composure. A thought flashed through his mind: he was no longer an ordinary person—did the laws binding ordinary people still apply? Even if he did unspeakable things to the dreamlike girl before him, maybe he could escape the law's reach. For such beauty, even being arrested might be worth it.

"Are you a puppy or something? Wanting to follow people around. But why me?" Ji Ning straightened his collar, tamping down the turmoil within. He could only dare to think such things; to act was another matter entirely. Even he, thick-skinned as he was, blushed at such a near-confession from a beauty. The darker thoughts in his heart faded away under the girl's pitiful gaze.

"Because only you can see me." It was impossible to say whether Qin Mo's expression was sad or joyful. She raised her head; as her empty gaze met his, a spark of light flickered in her eyes, and then she softly added,

"At least, I still have you."