Volume 1, Chapter 4: I Am Willing to Enter the Palace

"Eldest Miss, I know full well that I am not your birth mother, and it is fine if you do not care for me. Your father is getting on in years and has little to fear, but there are still your younger brother and sister. They are so young—do you have the heart to watch them be driven to their deaths?"

"Our Duke Pei estate has thousands of people, both young and old. Could you not just show them some pity?"

As soon as Lady Liu, the wife of Duke Pei, saw Pei Yueshu, she burst into tears. She was not the Duke’s first wife; that position belonged to Pei Yueshu’s birth mother, who had passed away long ago. The Duke had doted on his only daughter at the time, waiting several years before marrying a woman from a modest family, whom he later forbade from interfering in any of Pei Yueshu's affairs. But faced with this life-and-death crisis, Lady Liu could no longer heed the warnings her husband had given her before she left.

The wife of the second branch of the Pei family—Pei Yueshu’s aunt—could not bear to watch any longer. She stepped forward and pushed Lady Liu aside.

"Shu’er, the Madam has lost her senses out of sheer desperation; do not listen to her."

"You grew up under your second mother’s care. My love for you is no less than my love for Yueru. I, too, am heartbroken for you. You had only just married into the Yu family when Yu Hechuan left for the front, leaving you to observe three years of mourning, and in the end..."

The Second Madam dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief before continuing to hold Pei Yueshu’s hand.

"Your uncle’s meaning is this: you are still so young; you cannot simply waste away here in the Yu household. For a young lady of our Duke’s estate, there is no issue with divorcing and remarrying, let alone in your situation. Why don’t you..."

"Second Mother, the Emperor has countless beauties in his harem. Would you be willing to send Sister Yueru into the palace?" Pei Yueshu asked suddenly.

The Second Madam was instantly rendered speechless. Pei Yueru was her only daughter, the apple of her eye; it was impossible that she would ever send her into that man-eating harem.

"But Shu’er, you must consider that even after three years, the Emperor still thinks of you. He must have some feelings for you..."

"How do you know he isn't holding a grudge because my father rejected his marriage proposal back then?" Pei Yueshu said with a cryptic smile.

"Shu’er! You must not say such things! Slandering the Emperor is a grave crime!"

Left speechless by her retort, the Second Madam could only rely on the weight of imperial authority to pressure her. Pei Yueshu said nothing, merely staring straight at her.

The intensity of the gaze made the Second Madam shrink back, feeling a twinge of guilt. She could not explain it, but she felt that the Pei Yueshu before her was vastly different from the one she knew—those dark, heavy eyes were truly frightening.

Just as she was about to resume her attempts to persuade her with reason and sentiment, Pei Yueshu spoke up.

"You may all leave. I am willing to enter the palace."

"Is that true!" Lady Liu, who had been busy wiping away tears, stood up in excitement.

"Shu’er, have you truly thought it through?" A look of joyful surprise appeared on the Second Madam’s face.

Pei Yueshu curled her lips. "I have thought it through."

*Just make sure you do not come to regret it.*

Having resolved the matter weighing on their hearts, Lady Liu and the Second Madam exchanged a glance and breathed a collective sigh of relief.

"Do not blame your second mother. I did this only for your sake and for the sake of the household. Besides, the palace is the most prosperous place in the world. Once you go, your life will certainly be no worse than staying here in the Duke Yu estate."

The Second Madam patted her hand with earnest concern.

***

"Indeed, indeed," Lady Liu chimed in.

Seeing Pei Yueshu turn her head away, unwilling to engage with them, the Second Madam gave an awkward cough.

"We know you are grieving, and we elders do not know how to comfort you. As it happens, your brother and sister have come to see you as well. It has been a long time since you last met."

"Yes, send them in," Pei Yueshu said, withdrawing her hand and nodding calmly.

With that, Lady Liu and the Second Madam had to take their leave, allowing the younger ones to enter.

"Cousin!"

"Greetings to Eldest Sister."

Walking in front, the eldest of the three, was the Second Madam’s daughter, Pei Yueru, while the young boy and girl who followed, bowing timidly, were Pei Yueshu’s half-siblings.

"Cousin, are you feeling any better?"

Pei Yueru sat down familiarly beside Pei Yueshu. She was three years younger than Pei Yueshu, currently at her most delicate and blooming age.

Pei Yueshu nodded faintly, her gaze never leaving Pei Yueru’s face for a moment. Yueru first scanned the room—which was decorated like a golden chamber—and then looked at Pei Yueshu, a flicker of obvious unease crossing her eyes.

"Cousin, how are you still so beautiful even when you are ill?"

Pei Yueshu signaled for the servants to provide seats for the two younger ones, then said to Pei Yueru, "Yueru, you must be reaching the age of marriage. Do you have any noble young men in mind?"

"Cousin, why do you ask me such things the moment we meet?" Pei Yueru feigned shyness.

Pei Yueshu sneered inwardly; she knew exactly whom Yueru had her sights on. The eldest legitimate son of the Secretariat Director, the Shen family. It was hard to say whether to praise her for her taste or mock her for her delusions. The Second Master of the Pei family was born of a concubine and was idle, relying on his brother for support even at his age. If the Shen family were to agree, it would do absolutely nothing to pave the way for their eldest son’s future.

Yet, in her previous life, Pei Yueru had truly gotten her wish and married the young master of the Shen family, making many noble ladies in the capital both jealous and envious. That had been all thanks to her.

Back then, mindful of the Second Madam’s upbringing, and treating her cousin as if she were a real sister, Pei Yueshu had been moved by their mere weeping and pleading. She had gone to "that man" to beg for a favor—the only time she had ever done so. Afterward, Pei Yueru successfully married into the Shen family and gave birth to a son the following year.

But Pei Yueshu could never have imagined that Pei Yueru would say such things when she was on her deathbed:

"Cousin, what does it matter if you are the legitimate eldest daughter of a Duke’s estate? What does it matter that you were the greatest beauty in the capital? Your judgment was simply too poor. You married a short-lived wretch, only to be snatched away into this palace, suffering year after year with no dignity or glory left."

"In judging people, you really should have learned from me. Look at how well I live now. Having a son allowed me to secure my footing in the Shen family. Even if you were to die, they wouldn’t dare treat me poorly."

"Though, I suppose I owe that to your help, Cousin."

Pei Yueshu could still hear the echo of Pei Yueru’s triumphant laughter.

*But this time, my dear cousin, even if you were to grow wings, I will not let you set foot inside the Shen family’s gates ever again.*

After a brief conversation, Pei Yueshu made an excuse of being tired and had the servants escort them out.

"Then Cousin, you must invite me over to play often! The ornaments and furnishings here are so exquisite—even more refined and beautiful than your old boudoir at home," Pei Yueru said, winking at her.

If this were the past, Pei Yueshu would have showered her with gifts. This time, however, she did not react at all, despite Yueru’s blatant hints. Pei Yueru felt a flicker of annoyance and turned to leave in silence.

Twelve-year-old Pei Yueyin, holding her little brother’s hand, was also supposed to leave, but for some reason, she walked up to Pei Yueshu.

"Eldest Sister, please take care of yourself, and mind your health."

She was thin and small, her attire unremarkable. Lady Liu’s background limited her vision; she only had eyes for her son and neglected this daughter, causing her to be raised by nurses to be unnaturally old-fashioned and somber.

Six-year-old Pei Rong, unaware of what had happened, pulled a preserved hawthorn candy from his small pouch.

"Sister, eat a candy. You won’t be sad if you eat a candy."

"Brother Rong! Your hands have dirtied the candy; how can you give it to Eldest Sister to eat!" Pei Yueyin quickly took the candy away.

But Pei Yueshu reached out and took it.

"It is quite alright," Pei Yueshu said, her expression softening.

"Then... we shall not disturb your rest, Eldest Sister. We take our leave." Pei Yueyin bowed to her.

"Goodbye, Sister!" Pei Rong waved at her excitedly.

Pei Yueshu watched their retreating figures, her expression moved. In her previous life, Lady Liu and the Second Madam had spent hours pleading with her, but she had been unable to accept being sent to the palace so soon after her husband had fallen in battle, and in a breakdown, she had driven them all away. Naturally, she hadn't seen her younger siblings then.

Otherwise, given Pei Yueru’s behavior just now, how could she have failed to notice that something was wrong? Even Pei Yueyin, to whom she had never been close, understood the need to comfort her in her grief.

One only learns the truth in times of hardship; it is as simple as that.