Chapter 5: Unworthy

Cheng Shi was filled with guilt as he leaned closer and whispered, "Mom, please don’t cry. When you cry, it hurts me even more. I’m sorry. I promise I won’t mess up again. I’ll find a way to support the family and make sure you and Dad live a good life. I swear, from now on, we’ll have meat every day."

Cai Aiping nodded firmly. "Good. My boy has grown up. Actually, he’s always been sensible and knows how to care for me."

Cai Aihua worked efficiently, and in less than twenty minutes, three dishes were all served on the table.

The stir-fried pork with chili, scallion-fried tofu, and sautéed green beans all steamed with a fragrant aroma—that was the very taste of home.

After sitting down, Cheng Shi rubbed his hands together excitedly.

Cheng Yongjin laughed and teased, "Look at you, such a loser, as if you haven’t eaten for decades. Must you be so greedy?"

If Cheng Shi were to say outright that he had spent most of his life yearning for this flavor, they would surely think he was crazy.

So he just smiled and said, "I ran around a few places this morning, got a little hungry."

He waited until Cheng Yongjin and the others started eating before he picked up a bite of the chili pork and savored it with a delighted expression. "Mom’s cooking is still the best. This local pork, with fresh summer chili—it’s really delicious. Just this sauce alone could have me eating three bowls of rice."

Even the later dishes, like shark fin and abalone, didn’t compare to this flavor.

He picked up some meat for Cheng Yongjin and Cai Aiping. "You’ve worked the hardest, Mom and Dad. You always give me the best food—eat more now."

Then he handed a bite to Cheng Juan. "My sister’s always been the best to me. Eat more, too."

Cheng Juan rolled her eyes. "So you finally realize you’re in trouble today? Why the sweet talk all of a sudden?"

Cheng Shi said, "My sister looks especially beautiful today. When I make money, I’ll buy her the best cosmetics, clothes, and bags—so she can marry off with pride."

Cheng Juan blushed and ground her teeth. "Cut the nonsense. Eat properly, or if Dad doesn’t beat you, I will."

Cheng Shi asked, "Sister, has Liu Jie been pestering you lately?"

Liu Jie was the factory director’s son—the same scoundrel who later abused Cheng Juan.

He looked decent enough on the outside.

Cheng Juan lowered her eyes, picking at her food. "Yeah."

Cheng Yongjin said, "I think Liu Jie’s a good young man. You’re not getting any younger—you’re already twenty-two. If you keep holding out, you’re going to end up an old maid."

Cheng Juan was stunningly beautiful and never lacked suitors.

On the surface, Liu Jie was indeed the most well-rounded candidate.

In those days, the stigma against "leftover women" came earlier and harsher.

It was because of this that Cheng Yongjin and the others later pressured Cheng Juan to marry Liu Jie.

Cheng Shi said, "It doesn’t matter. Better to have no one than the wrong one. If my sister doesn’t like him, she won’t marry him. I’m willing to support her for life."

Cheng Juan paused, then glanced at Cheng Shi.

Cheng Shi continued, "That Liu Jie is nothing but a wolf in sheep’s clothing. She can marry anyone, but not him."

Though retired, Cheng Yongjin still saw Liu Jie as a leader and found Cheng Shi’s words particularly harsh. He frowned. "What are you saying? Are you close with Liu Jie?"

Cheng Juan, assuming Cheng Shi knew she was seeing someone, felt uneasy and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, and how do you know all this? Besides, you can’t even support yourself right now, and you’re talking about supporting me."

Great—good intentions met with cold rejection.

Cheng Shi rubbed his nose sheepishly.

After eating, Cheng Shi eagerly washed the dishes.

Once the chores were done, he finally had a chance to truly take in the home he hadn’t seen in a long time.

The ceiling fan was the only electrical appliance.

The era’s popular "big four"—color TV, refrigerator, washing machine, and tape recorder—were nowhere to be found.

Though the house was bare and humble, it held the most beautiful memories of his life.

The apartment had only two small bedrooms.

Cheng Shi voluntarily gave the other room to his sister.

Cheng Yongjin used a curtain in the living room to create a corner for Cheng Shi’s private space.

A red-painted desk stood there, its glass top pressing down on many family photos, mostly black and white.

On the desk sat his favorite books, a pull-chain desk lamp, and a wooden carved tank.

The simplest wooden bed was adorned with a calendar featuring a collection of Hong Kong and Taiwanese stars—this month’s star was Brigitte Lin.

Under the bed were his clothes for all seasons.

Everything about his youth was here.

At the time, he didn’t understand happiness; only later, as a lonely man, did he realize what he had once possessed.

Countless times, awakened from midnight dreams returning here, his heart would ache and his eyes would moisten.

He caught a glimpse of his young, handsome face reflected in the small plastic round mirror on the desk and smiled at himself. "Welcome back."

Now that things had quieted down, he felt even more that the sensation of being young again was wonderful.

His skin was clean and radiant; his hair thick and black.

His body was agile and comfortable, brimming with inexhaustible vitality.

Work!

His plan was grand; his goal ambitious and arduous.

Not a single minute could be wasted anymore.

Cheng Shi flipped through his wage passbook from the drawer.

Only two cents remained.

He winced, recalling how reckless he had been—out of spite for his father, he would spend every paycheck on lavish food and drink, leaving nothing for them.

His pockets were empty just now.

Payday was still over ten days away.

But repairing machine tools required buying parts.

Cheng Juan came out from her room.

Cheng Shi hurriedly stuffed the passbook back into the drawer. "Ah, sister."

Cheng Juan asked, "You say you want to do this on your own—do you have any startup money?"

Cheng Shi said, "I’ll figure something out."

Cheng Juan had already helped him too much, and he really didn’t want to ask her again.

She took a bill out of her bag. "Here, fifty yuan. Take this for now. If it’s not enough, I’ll give you more after I get paid. My salary will be a bit higher once I’m officially employed."

Cheng Shi asked, "Aren’t you afraid I won’t pay you back?"

Cheng Juan said, "You’ve always been smart. If you want to do it, you’ll do well."

If he could repay it, that would be best. If not, so be it...

Cheng Shi was deeply moved. "Sister..."

Cheng Juan blushed and quickly turned back into her room. "You’re really nauseating today. If I didn’t see you every day, I’d think someone swapped you out."

Cheng Shi smiled and picked up the crisp new fifty-yuan note from 1990. Now wasn’t the time to worry about money. First, he had to fix the machine tool; only then could he think about earning money to repay his family.

He took a good nap and then got up, ready to work.

As he reached downstairs, he overheard Aunt Qian from the second floor talking to Cai Aiping.

"I want to make this clear. Your Cheng Shi has now become unemployed. He’s not on the same level as my Yingzi anymore. They’re not a good match. Our Yingzi would never marry a good-for-nothing like him."

Cai Aiping grew anxious and whispered in pleading, "Mother-in-law, please don’t say that. Cheng Shi is a good boy. He’s already trying to change and won’t let little Ying down."