Desiring for a long time

Staring at the spilled medicine on the floor, I was unable to calm my mind for a long time. Long Zhan would never harm me; if Hongxiu truly intended to poison me, why would she persistently refuse to let me go time and again?

I asked myself, had I ever offended her?

She wasn’t the sort to curry favor before Zhang Bitong, so jealousy over my place beside Zhang Bitong seemed impossible. Yet, the hatred in her gaze toward me was unmistakably envy.

As those two words flashed through my mind, a sudden realization dawned. Could it be that her lingering resentment toward me was because of Long Zhan?

I recalled the day she scolded me for using the food she cooked to seek favor with Long Zhan, and how she had fled in panic after inadvertently witnessing me with Long Zhan today. Her words earlier accused me of flaunting myself before her. It seemed my deduction was correct. Hongxiu adored Long Zhan and resented my closeness with him, which explained her repeated attempts to harm me. The first two times were mere attempts to kick me when I was down, but this time, had it escalated to her personally poisoning me, determined to see me dead?

A chill swept through my heart.

For the sake of my own survival, I refused to drink any medicine brewed by Hongxiu, whether it was sent by Long Zhan or ordered by Yunqing. The result was my recovery was painfully slow. Fortunately, although I still had to work in Cuiwei Palace, Yunqing asked me to do lighter tasks. If I had remained bedridden, it would have been difficult for her to explain to Zhang Bitong.

I was deeply moved by Yunqing’s consideration; I dared not hope for more.

That afternoon, taking advantage of Yunqing and Zhang Bitong’s stroll in the Imperial Garden, I left Cuiwei Palace—not for any other reason than to confirm my suspicion.

At the entrance to the Emperor’s Hall of Nurtured Heart, I saw Long Zhan.

As the commander of the Imperial Guard, he was alert to all directions. I hid in a spot neither too obvious nor too hidden, and with a small gesture, he easily spotted me.

After a few words with those beside him, Long Zhan walked over and asked, “Are you feeling better?”

I smiled, “If I weren’t, how could I come here to find you, Master Long? I’m like an indestructible cockroach—you can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Long Zhan smiled slightly. “You weren’t so lively a few days ago. Now you seem to have forgotten your pain as soon as your wounds healed.”

I grinned at him. “Master Long, I came today to ask you something.”

“Go ahead.”

“For days now, you’ve been sending medicine to me. Was it you who personally delivered it?”

“I remembered your words—it would be too conspicuous if I went myself, so I sent a subordinate instead.”

“Was it Di Xiao?” I asked quickly.

Long Zhan shook his head, but asked, “Why did you think of him? Is there a problem?”

“No, not at all.”

Long Zhan was shrewd; he immediately sensed something and pressed, “Xiao Xiaozi, you don’t have to lie to me. You wouldn’t bring up Di Xiao out of nowhere. Was there a problem with the medicine? Or did Di Xiao do something to you at the hunting grounds?”

He pressed me step by step. I dared not meet his eyes, hoping to muddle through. “You’re overthinking, Master Long. I was just curious who brought the medicine. I’ve seen Master Di a few times, and since he’s your right-hand man, I thought it might be him.”

“Is that truly all?”

“It really is.”

“I’ll look into the matter more closely.”

Thus, Di Xiao was ruled out, which meant it must have been Hongxiu.

I asked, “Master Long, do you know the maid Hongxiu from Cuiwei Palace?”

“Hongxiu?” Long Zhan seemed uncertain, so I prompted, “Do you use a sky-blue handkerchief, Master Long?”

He nodded. “That was embroidered by my mother. I often carry it with me.”

“Have you ever given that handkerchief to anyone?”

Long Zhan paused to recall. “So you meant her.”

I knew then he remembered.

He continued, “That must have been several years ago. During an inspection, I saw Hongxiu being bullied by a eunuch and intervened. She was crying bitterly, her face bloodied, so I handed her my handkerchief to wipe her tears. She later sought me out to thank me, but I was busy and didn’t speak much. After that, I don’t recall seeing her again. So when you mentioned her, I didn’t immediately recall. Xiao Xiaozi, why are you asking about this?”

I replied, “I may have found you a lady who’s fond of you, Master Long.”

“You mean Hongxiu?”

“Yes, I fear she’s been enamored for a long time.” If her feelings weren’t deep, how could she be so ruthless toward me?

“Don’t be ridiculous. Maids in the harem have hard lives as it is; don’t joke about such things.”

“Master Long, you’re still concerned for her. If you liked her, and she gained your favor, she would no longer be just a maid.”

“Xiao Xiaozi, must you keep joking about this with me?”

Seeing Long Zhan grow serious, even a bit angry, I dared not say more and muttered, “It was just a joke, Master Long, no need to take it seriously.”

“Matters of the heart I always take seriously. Whether she likes me is irrelevant; I know I have no feelings for her.”

I shook my head. “Master Long, you really are heartless. I’ve spoken out of turn again.”

“Well, since you’re able to joke, your health must be fine. If you have nothing else, rest in the palace. You came all this way just to ask about such a trivial matter—you don’t find it troublesome?”

This was no trivial matter.

I replied, “Master Long’s advice is sound; I’ll take my leave now. By the way, have you seen Miss Ping?”

“She’s attending the Emperor inside.”

“Oh, then I’ll be off.” I had hoped to thank Ping, but it seemed there was no chance this time.

On the way back to Cuiwei Palace, I happened to encounter Princess Xihe. Two maids and two eunuchs followed behind her. Perhaps because of the recent incident, the Zimeng Hall was taking every precaution.

Princess Xihe spotted me and hurried over.

The maids behind her called anxiously, “Princess, slow down! If you fall, it would be terrible.”

She reached me, and as I went to kneel in greeting, she said, “No need for formalities. I know you haven’t fully recovered.”

“Thank you, Princess. How is your own health?”

Princess Xihe replied carelessly, “I’m fine. It’s just Mother making a fuss and not letting me go out. Look, after begging for days, I finally got out—though I have all these followers trailing after me. It’s so annoying.”

I said, “Her Highness is only concerned for your safety. It’s always wise to be cautious.”

“Because of this mess, not only did I suffer, but you did too. My mother has already told me everything about you. Father is really foolish; you’ve always treated me well, how could you ever harm me?”

I replied, “Princess, it wouldn’t be right to blame His Majesty. Indeed, I failed to protect you, and His Majesty’s affection for his daughter made him pursue the matter. Thankfully, though I suffered, His Majesty didn’t blame me for failing to protect you, which is already more mercy than I could hope for.”

“You’re still defending others. See, last time you wouldn’t let Fourth Brother apologize, and now he’s made things worse for the both of us. I won’t acknowledge him anymore.”

“Princess, please don’t say such things—if others overhear, it won’t be good.”

“What’s there to fear?”

“It’s best to be careful, Princess. The matter hasn’t been fully investigated, but I don’t think it was truly the Fourth Prince’s doing.”

“The evidence is clear, and even Fourth Brother couldn’t deny it. Why don’t you believe it?”

“I just considered it more carefully. Anyway, it’s all in the past; Princess shouldn’t dwell on it.”

There was something strange about the whole affair. No matter how angry Jiang Ye was, he wouldn’t go so far as to harm Xihe. Even if he had used Xiao Qingzi to plot against the Princess, he wouldn’t have been so foolish as to give him the jade pendant bestowed by the Emperor. As the Fourth Prince, he could have chosen any gold or jewels to gift Xiao Qingzi. Perhaps this was meant to point the evidence toward Jiang Ye.

But who would do such a thing? Jiang Ye’s departure didn’t seem to benefit anyone.

Perhaps I was overthinking it!

“Princess, there’s something I don’t understand.” Walking with Princess Xihe, she sent the maids and eunuchs a bit farther away, allowing me to ask my question.

“Ask anything you wish.”

“When you were pushed, surely you were caught off guard, just as I was, and didn’t see who pushed you. So why, when you awoke, did you immediately accuse Xiao Qingzi?”

The Empress’s suspicions had been reasonable, but the Emperor’s love for Princess Xihe, coupled with her youth, meant he never doubted her word.

Princess Xihe giggled, feigning mystery. “Because I can foresee the future! Even unconscious, I knew you were in danger, Xiao Xiaozi.”

“Princess, you are indeed remarkable, but please tell me the truth.”

She pouted. “Alright, I’ll tell you. Actually, it was Mother. When I woke up, she didn’t notify Father right away, but quietly whispered to me what I should say to him. Since it was to save you, of course I listened to her.”

“So it was Lady Meng.” It seemed I had yet another person to thank.

“Not entirely,” Xihe continued. “Later Mother told me it was Lady Lan who sent Chudie to ask her for help. Lady Lan couldn’t intervene herself, but she urged Mother to help you. Xiao Xiaozi, you’re amazing—when you were in trouble, Brother Xuan helped you, Master Long helped you, even Lady Lan helped you.”

Princess Xihe’s words gave me sudden insight. If even a child like Xihe could see it, what about the others?

Because of me, so many people had been involved—would this leave an impression on the Emperor, or become a concern for the Empress? I feared that my days ahead would not be easy.