Chapter 024: Helping Jiang Xuan Wash a Pair of Underpants

I returned to Cuiwei Palace, stammering as I recounted to Zhang Bitong what had transpired at the gateway of Jiyue Palace. Upon hearing this, Zhang Bitong’s face was clouded with suspicion, and she asked Yunqing, “Yunqing, do you think Lady Lan deliberately avoided my overtures, or was she truly indisposed due to her medical treatment and unable to meet Little Xiao?”

Yunqing answered honestly, “If it was intentional avoidance, it doesn’t quite make sense. Both the Empress and Lady Tan visited her, and they said Lady Lan truly seemed ill; she barely exchanged a few words with them. However, it's also possible she simply wishes to avoid everyone, refusing to see anyone at all. Yet, by doing so, she even keeps His Majesty at a distance, and I cannot fathom the reason for that.”

Zhang Bitong snorted dismissively, “She’s already in the palace, so what’s the point of pretending to be a paragon of virtue? Yunqing…” Suddenly interested, Zhang Bitong mused, “Do you suppose Lady Lan is hiding some secret?”

Yunqing shook her head, “I cannot venture a guess on this matter.”

Zhang Bitong smoothed the hair by her temples and sighed softly, “Forget it, I won’t dwell on it. One less rival for His Majesty’s favor isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s just that the position of Imperial Noble Consort remains vacant. Though His Majesty has shown me favor several times, he only promoted me to Zhaoyi and hasn’t mentioned any further conferment, which troubles me greatly.”

Yunqing said, “Your Grace need not worry. Such matters of conferment must be approached patiently.”

“Tell me, aside from Lady Tan who is presently favored, has anyone else recently caught His Majesty’s eye?”

Yunqing replied, “I haven’t heard of anyone.”

“Keep watch for me. I doubt the Empress will allow Lady Tan to monopolize His Majesty’s affections.”

“Yes, Your Grace.”

Since there was nothing for me to do, I waited outside.

Early the next morning, as I swept the courtyard, a young palace maid I’d never seen before hurried over and asked, “Are you Little Xiao?”

I nodded, “Is there something you need, sister?”

“I serve in the Ninth Prince’s palace. He’s looking for you—hurry over!”

Jiang Xuan?

Urged by the maid, I hurried along. Outside Jiang Xuan’s chamber, two maids and two eunuchs stood nervously by the door.

“You’re Little Xiao, right? Go on in, the Ninth Prince refuses to see anyone else—only you.”

My neck shrank in apprehension. This didn’t bode well.

But I was just a servant, so I went in.

“Close the door,” Jiang Xuan commanded coldly.

“Yes!”

I shut the door and stepped inside. Jiang Xuan was still sitting on his bed, his expression stiff.

“Ninth Prince, what do you need from this servant?”

“Little Xiao, I want you to look at something, but you must keep it secret for me. Otherwise, I’ll have you killed.”

Such a grave threat—could it be Jiang Xuan wet the bed? No, surely not; he’s sixteen.

“Ninth Prince, rest assured. If you forbid me to speak, I promise I won’t say a word.”

“Come here!” Jiang Xuan beckoned me, his face still rigid. Normally he was aloof, today he was downright stiff. Who knows what’s happened to him?

I shuffled over, feeling uneasy—why had Jiang Xuan called me here?

I drew closer, and Jiang Xuan, losing patience, suddenly flung aside the quilt, grabbed my collar, and pulled me to his side.

There was nothing unusual about the bed itself—what was he doing?

“Ninth Prince, I don’t understand—” I stopped abruptly. Though I saw nothing, I caught a sharp, pungent odor. I frowned slightly and saw some cloudy fluid on the bedsheet.

This was…

This was…

This was… My mind raced. I didn’t know!

I looked up and asked, “Ninth Prince, is this from you? Are you unwell? Should I call the imperial physician?”

“Little Xiao, you’re a man—don’t you know what this is?”

Seeing Jiang Xuan’s skeptical expression, I quickly replied, “I’m only half a man!”

Jiang Xuan gave me a speechless look before explaining, “It’s a nocturnal emission.”

“Nocturnal emission?” I exclaimed—not because I was shocked by the matter itself, but because I had no idea what it actually meant!

Jiang Xuan clapped a hand over my mouth. “Little Xiao, must you shout? Do you want everyone to know?”

With my mouth covered, I could only shake my head earnestly to show I wouldn’t cry out again.

Jiang Xuan finally released me and said impatiently, “I’ll let it slide, since you probably haven’t experienced this yet.”

“Ninth Prince, you are wise. But what did you call me here for?”

“I want you to wash it.”

“Wash the bedsheet?”

“Not that. I can just pour tea over it and no one will notice. I want you to wash this…” Jiang Xuan pointed to his undergarments.

I’d never washed a man’s intimate clothing before!

Isn’t this inappropriate?

“Do you expect me to wash it myself?”

“I wouldn’t dare!”

“Little Xiao, if anyone asks, say it’s yours.”

“Yes, sir!”

Still, as a prince, Jiang Xuan’s clothes are surely different from ours. Even if I claim it’s mine, no one would believe me!

“All right, help me with this. I’m going to change.” Jiang Xuan finally got out of bed and slipped behind the screen.

I kept wondering—what exactly is a nocturnal emission? It seemed to be something unique to men, but I couldn’t ask directly. If I did, it might raise doubts about my gender.

I’d have to look it up in a book.

Some days later, I finally found an explanation in a book. My face instantly turned crimson.

I tucked Jiang Xuan’s undergarments inside my robe and walked boldly out.

Afterward, I wondered why Jiang Xuan had let me in on such a thing.

Could he…?

Xiao Zhi, you’re getting a bit too self-absorbed. Do you really think the dignified Ninth Prince is inclined that way?

The next morning, when I went to quietly return Jiang Xuan’s undergarments, I learned from a palace maid that last night the Emperor had summoned a court lady to serve him, and this morning that lady was promoted to Noble Lady.

Her name was Shui Yunqiu—now Noble Lady Yun, formerly Court Lady Yun. I recalled that Shui Yunqiu had arrived together with Lin Tanwei. Like Lady Mei, she always sat at the outermost edge, silent, simply listening attentively. Now she had been favored; silence was no longer an option.

Because Shui Yunqiu had never served the Emperor before and was only a minor court lady, the Empress and Zhang Bitong likely forgot about her. Yet, unexpectedly, she was granted favor at this moment. Upon further inquiry, I learned that Shui Yunqiu never competed for attention, dutifully greeted the Empress and the Dowager Empress as usual. Last night, the Emperor visited the Dowager Empress’s Cining Palace and happened to encounter her. He found her refined and gentle, filial to the Dowager Empress, and took a liking to her, so she served him that night.

I realized that in the inner palace, there was always a way to win the Emperor’s favor. Nothing is impossible; only unimaginable.

Just as I returned from Jiang Xuan’s quarters, Yunqing summoned me in.

“I’m feeling a bit unwell today. Her Grace is going to Kunning Palace to pay respects to the Empress. Little Xiao, you’re quick-witted—accompany her.”

After last time’s offense, I’d become an eyesore to the Empress. She’d surely find ways to trouble me again, so I had to stay vigilant.

“Little Xiao…” On the way, Zhang Bitong said, “Have you heard about Noble Lady Yun?”

I bowed, “I’ve heard a little, Your Grace. It’s nothing to worry about—she was favored for just one night.”

“That’s not my concern. I’m worried about myself,” Zhang Bitong sighed. “I’m getting older; I can’t compare to these beautiful young women. Just a few days ago, Lady Mei, Lady Tan, and now Noble Lady Yun has emerged. Sooner or later, there’ll be more and more noble ladies. I remain stuck as a Zhaoyi, neither advancing nor retreating—it's truly frustrating. If I could attain the position of Imperial Noble Consort, even with the Empress present, I’d have nothing to fear from rivals. Isn’t that right, Little Xiao?”

“Your Grace is correct. But, with the Imperial Noble Consort’s seat vacant, neither you nor others have claimed it yet. That means you still have a chance.”

“You have a point. But I worry that if I don’t fight for it, someone else will seize it soon enough.”

Just as I was about to reply, a lady approached from another path—it was Lin Tanwei.

“What a coincidence, sister,” Lin Tanwei walked gracefully toward us and gave Zhang Bitong a slight bow. “Your younger sister greets you.”

Zhang Bitong smiled, “How amusing. We’re both heading to Kunning Palace—it’s only natural we’d meet. What’s so coincidental about it?”

Lin Tanwei smiled, “You misunderstand me, sister. I’m not going to pay respects to the Empress; I’m heading to the Hall of Mental Cultivation. His Majesty says he loves my tea, and I happen to be going now.”

Zhang Bitong’s eyes nearly rolled right out of her head. I saw her red nail polish digging into her flesh, but after a pause, she forced a smile and said, “At this hour, His Majesty should still be at morning court. If you go now, you won’t see him, and it may distract him. Are you deliberately avoiding the Empress? Is it just because Noble Lady Yun has appeared? What are you worried about?”

Lin Tanwei would restrain her emotions before Zhang Bitong, but if it were Lady Mei or me, her dominance would be plain to see.

“Sister, surely you’re the one with more reason to worry. If serving His Majesty once makes you a noble lady, then serving him two or three times could make you a Zhaoyi. Wouldn’t that put you on equal footing with you?”

Smack!

Zhang Bitong slapped Lin Tanwei across the face without hesitation. Even I hadn’t expected it.