Chapter Forty-Eight: The Motley Fools of the Northeast, Worthless Rabble

The next day, the feasting and music of the eastern warlords continued as before, while Dong Zhuo spoke with confidence in the imperial court.

In the palace hall of Luoyang, a young man clad in a crimson imperial robe sat trembling upon a dragon couch, anxiously watching Dong Zhuo, who stood beside him, his hand resting on the hilt of a ring-handled sword. Dong Zhuo spoke loudly, reporting the rebellion of the White Wave bandits, the alliance of the eastern armies, and the news from the backs of Sun Jian and Yuan Shu.

Finally, he declared, “It is my intention as Grand Tutor to send troops to crush the villains of the east, then return to Hedong with General Niu to counter the White Wave bandits, and lastly to hold firm in Luoyang, conserving our strength to resist Sun Jian. What say you all?”

At his words, several ministers immediately praised the Grand Tutor’s wisdom, while most remained silent. Only one man, nearing forty, dressed in the robes of a Gentleman Consultant, showed a flicker of concern. He thought to himself, “The eastern armies have taken Suanzao but hesitate to move further; perhaps their unity is lacking, their preparations insufficient, and they cannot withstand Dong Zhuo’s might. To allow Dong Zhuo to attack would scatter the forces gathered to oppose him.”

He stepped forward and said, “Grand Tutor, your wisdom is unmatched, but governance lies not in arms, but in virtue. Thus, to send troops against them would be unnecessary.”

The court was stunned—was this not direct opposition to Dong Zhuo? Was this man courting death?

Dong Zhuo glanced at him, recognizing him as a Gentleman Consultant under the Minister of the Imperial Household. In Dong Zhuo’s eyes, he was merely a minor official, his name slipping from memory. Yet Dong Zhuo had come to hear advice, and so he did not immediately order the man dragged away and executed. Instead, he darkened his expression and asked, “According to you, then, arms are useless in the affairs of state?”

The ministers were shocked. The Grand Commandant Yang Biao, Minister Wang Yun, and Minister Xun Shuang, the three most senior officials, all looked at the man as if he were doomed, wondering who he was to dare such risk.

Only Xun Shuang, one of the famed “Eight Dragons of the Xun Clan,” considered further, thinking, “Could this man seek to aid the eastern alliance with persuasive argument, helping them avoid Dong Zhuo’s military might? That would be no easy task.”

The man, unperturbed, replied calmly, “Arms are not useless, but the villains of the east do not warrant their use. The eastern uprising is merely a matter of neighboring provinces rising in imitation, not out of genuine desire. Since the restoration under Emperor Guangwu, our people have known peace, forgetting war; as Confucius said, ‘To not teach the people to fight is to abandon them.’ Thus, though the eastern armies are many, they pose little threat. That is the first point.”

The ministers were moved by his words, admiring his eloquence. Only Xun Shuang smiled faintly, asking the Minister of the Imperial Household beside him, “Who is this man?”

“He is my subordinate, Gentleman Consultant Zheng Tai, courtesy name Gongye,” came the reply.

Xun Shuang nodded in appreciation, casting a glance at Zheng Tai.

Dong Zhuo looked at Zheng Tai and asked, “Tell me your name.”

Zheng Tai answered, “I am the Gentleman Consultant Zheng Tai, courtesy Gongye.”

Dong Zhuo said, “Ah, Gongye, please continue. What else follows?”

Zheng Tai then spoke confidently, “Grand Tutor, you hail from the west, grew up as a general, trained in warfare, and have gained renown upon the battlefield. By this, you command respect and the people submit in fear—that is the second point. Yuan Benchu is a nobleman raised in the capital, but his nature is soft as a woman; Zhang Mengzhuo is a notable of Dongping, but never ventures beyond his hall; Kong Gongxu excels in lofty debate but lacks the talent of a commander, enduring hardship yet lacking resolve. Facing the enemy, none are your equal—that is the third point.”

His words caused an uproar. Yuan Shao, Zhang Miao, and Kong Zhou were all renowned men of the time, but Zheng Tai dismissed them as worthless. Dong Zhuo, however, laughed heartily and slapped the dragon couch, exclaiming, “Excellent! Yuan Shao is pampered and effeminate, Zhang Miao is a local magnate unfit for greatness, Kong Zhou is all talk and no action! The villains of the east are no more than this!”

The young emperor seated upon the dragon couch was so startled by Dong Zhuo’s outburst that he trembled, but dared not speak—a testament to Dong Zhuo’s authority.

Zheng Tai continued, “Thank you, Grand Tutor! As for the eastern warriors, they are strong enough to mount horses and wield bows, as brave as Meng Ben, as swift as Qing Ji. They have the defense of Liaocheng, the strategies of Liang Ping, and can be assigned minor commands and expected to succeed; yet I have seen none among them who truly possess such talents—that is the fourth point.”

Dong Zhuo nodded repeatedly, and the ministers’ faces turned ashen. They had once harbored hope for the eastern armies, but Zheng Tai’s vivid denigration had stripped them of confidence.

Yet Lü Bu, standing behind Dong Zhuo, saw things differently. He spoke, “Sun Wentai of Changsha is valiant in battle, Yuan Benchu commands armored warriors in Bohai, and Cao Mengde of Peiguo slew thousands in the Yellow Turban campaign, showing remarkable cunning. Can you truly say there are no such men?”

Dong Zhuo, no fool, nodded and said, “Fengxian speaks rightly.”

Zheng Tai smiled and replied, “Even if such men exist, their titles are not matched, their positions unstable, each relying on their own strength and numbers, waiting to see who succeeds or fails, unwilling to unite and advance together—that is the fifth point. The western provinces border Shangdang, Taiyuan, Fengyi, Fufeng, and Anding. For years they have fought with the nomads; even women carry halberds and spears, bowstrings and arrows upon their backs, let alone their fierce husbands. To pit such people against the eastern armies who have forgotten war is like driving sheep against wolves and tigers—the outcome is certain victory. That is the sixth point.”

With these words, Zheng Tai argued that the eastern armies were divided and inexperienced, while the troops of Xiliang were fierce and invincible. His argument was sound and flattering to Dong Zhuo.

Dong Zhuo nodded again and again, delighted.

But Zheng Tai continued, “Moreover, the true warriors of the realm are found in Bing, Liang, the Xiongnu, Tuoge, Huangzhong, Yicong, and the eight tribes of the Western Qiang—all peoples whom the common folk fear and respect, yet you, Grand Tutor, command them as your claws and teeth. If such fierce men fear you, how much more so the villains of the east! That is the seventh point.

And your generals are all trusted kin and confidants, seasoned through long campaigns, earning loyalty and trust since San Yuan and Xiakou. Their intelligence and devotion are beyond question, unlike the disunited eastern armies—that is the eighth point. Grand Tutor, have you heard of the three defeats in war? Disorder attacking order leads to defeat, evil attacking righteousness leads to defeat, rebellion attacking legitimacy leads to defeat. Now, you govern the state with justice, punish the wicked eunuchs, establish loyalty and righteousness; with these three virtues opposing the three defeats, who dare stand against you? That is the ninth point.”

His speech was righteous and bold, and the ministers remained silent. Yang Biao and Wang Yun revealed their contempt—such flattery to Dong Zhuo was shameful. Yet Xun Shuang openly admired him; to speak so confidently before Dong Zhuo, subtly guiding the eastern armies to avoid his military might, was the mark of a master debater.

Zheng Tai followed with, “In years past, the east had Zheng Kangcheng, learned in all things, gathering scholars. Beihai had Bing Genju, upright and noble, a model for all. Though the eastern armies are numerous, if we judge their strength, look to the past: Yan, Zhao, Qi, and Liang were once prosperous, yet all fell to Qin; Wu and Chu were mighty among the Seven States, yet dared not cross Yingyang. How much more so today, with the Grand Tutor’s virtuous governance and loyal ministers. Those eastern villains seeking to rebel for unjust gain will find no support. That is the tenth point. With these ten reasons, why raise troops to alarm the realm, burden the people, and undermine the Grand Tutor’s authority?”

Finishing, Zheng Tai added, “In my opinion, the villains of the east are worthless! General Yang has stationed his troops at Hulao; they will not advance a single step!”

Dong Zhuo laughed uproariously, full of joy. “Excellent, Gongye! Marvelous! To have such talent in the court is truly my good fortune! In coming days, you shall be appointed General Who Suppresses Rebellion, supervising the army at Hulao, assisting Yang Zhen in resisting the eastern villains!”

Zheng Tai loudly gave thanks, but then said, “Grand Tutor, the villains of the east are not to be feared, yet Sun Wentai is brave in battle. Now, the White Wave bandits ravage our supply lines; if Sun Wentai exploits the chaos and joins with the bandits, our provisions may be threatened. Beyond the He Luo plain, there are eight hundred li of Qin River; before Guangwu, our capital was at Chang'an, and Jingzhao boasted the prosperity of the Three Adjuncts. The Weiyang and Ganquan palaces, though long abandoned, remain. With no shortage of grain, close to Xiliang, and guarded by strong passes, perhaps we should move west, and have the Grand Tutor lead the army to meet Sun Wentai and the White Wave bandits on the He Luo plain. By winning there and shedding the blood of the outlaws, the Grand Tutor’s might will be shown! Then, retreat with leisure to Chang'an—victory assured, no fear of disrupted supply lines, truly the best of both worlds!”

Dong Zhuo stroked his beard, pondering, “A relocation? That is worth considering…”

Yang Biao and Wang Yun were deeply alarmed, while Xun Shuang chuckled, and Zheng Tai calmly returned to his seat.

PS: Zheng Tai, official of the late Eastern Han. Courtesy Gongye, a native of Kaifeng in Henan. Talented from youth, fond of associating with the bold and heroic. Initially recommended for filial piety, summoned by the Three Offices, and called by the Imperial Carriage, but refused all. At the end of Emperor Ling’s reign, Grand General He Jin sought his support, appointing him as Assistant Minister and then Supervising Censor, but he resigned when his advice was ignored. When Dong Zhuo seized power, he became Gentleman Consultant. He advised Dong Zhuo to campaign against the eastern armies and later suggested moving west, becoming a key figure in the eastern armies’ victory without battle. Later, he plotted with He Ke and Xun You to assassinate Dong Zhuo, but the plot was discovered. He fled east to join Yuan Shu, who appointed him Governor of Yang Province, but he died on his way to office at age forty-one. (Records of the Three Kingdoms)